i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
