what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
