i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
