I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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