I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You were trust falling into bushes
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
