your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
