I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
