my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
