I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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