she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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