I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
