Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
