She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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