you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
