just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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