Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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