I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
