I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
