I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
