would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
