If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
