i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
