If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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