I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
