Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I would ride that face into the sunset
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
