tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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