Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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