Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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