You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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