a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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