You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
