Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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