do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
