Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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