just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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