I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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