Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
