I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
