A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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