before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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