Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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