I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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