I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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