Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
