im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Michael Bay diarrhea
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
