i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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