I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
