The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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