a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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