help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
